What’s the first step in developing wisdom in your life?
Be wise enough to know you lack wisdom, and in what areas.
Second step? Seek out those who are wise in the areas you aren’t. It sounds simple, until this little thing called pride creeps in. When we get out of our own way, address our weaknesses, and commit to improving them, we are ready to start down the path toward wise living.
Over the last 15 years, I’ve consistently sought wisdom in the major areas of my life:
- How to walk more closely with Jesus
- How to be a loving, supportive husband
- How to raise 3 boys to be kind, respectful, playful, and full of integrity
- How to manage and grow our business
- How to be a productive member of my community through volunteering
As I’ve sought to become wiser in these areas, I’ve landed on a few key resources that have allowed me to effectively grow in wisdom:
#1: Surround yourself with wise, more life-seasoned men
For me personally, I have invited men to hold me spiritually accountable, provide personal mentorship, and professional coaching.
Spiritual Accountability
For nearly 25 years I’ve had a small group of men who have served as spiritual accountability for me. The group has changed over the years, but there has consistently been 3-5 men who I am open and honest with. They know my struggles, tendencies, and goals. I have given them permission to be honest with me and call me out when I’m not living up to the standard I’ve set for myself. In return, they ask that I do the same for them.
Personal Mentor
These men are more advanced in years than I am. Their children are grown, their businesses are sold, and they have a long-standing history of loving their wives well and investing in their community. They are the men I aspire to be later in my life. I had a 3-hour lunch with one of these men last week. We sat on the porch and watched the river rush by, and I asked very specific questions about how to be international as a husband and a father and how to navigate some upcoming business decisions. His advice was invaluable.
Professional Coach
We have worked with a business coach for the last 4 years. This is the first time in my professional career I’ve had a consistent, outside voice into the operational goals of our business. Our executive team meets with him for a full day each quarter, plus an extra day for annual planning. Our coach built, grew, and exited a company like ours and has encountered every obstacle we approach. Having an outside voice who is very familiar with our team and business has served us very well.
#2: Immerse yourself in the words of those you respect
I hated reading until my junior year of college. I was working at a coffee shop in college, and we had large gaps in orders, and I found myself checking off the list of great books: The Great Gatsby, The Bell Jar, A Prayer for Owen Meaney, Of Mice and Men, and so on. I developed a love for reading.
That joy soon turned to reading Scripture. I found advice for living well in the Psalms, Proverbs, and Epistles of Paul.
As I began building a business, I found unending advice on the bookshelves. How to create processes, how to lead people, how to build a strong culture, how to scale, and much more.
Here’s a tip that has helped me. Dedicate 1 hour to researching topics you want to learn more about. Then build a list of books you want to read over the next year. Surprisingly, if you dedicate just 30 minutes a day to reading, you can read 35+ books in a year. Here’s an excellent article by James Clear on the topic.
I recommend a mixture of books for professional development, personal development, business education, and enjoyment.
#3: Carry a constant internal dialogue
By nature, I am a worrier and an over-thinker. One of the best weapons against this tendency has been maintaining a healthy, consistent internal dialogue. It allows me to control the conversation and speak truth into my areas of darkness.
My internal dialogue comes in three forms – prayer, journaling, and self-talk. The more consistent I am with these three mechanisms, the healthier my thought patterns are. Overtime, this has proven to reduce worry and improve confidence. Two excellent books on the topic are Soundtracks: The Surprising Solutions to Overthinkingby Jon Acuff and The Gap and the Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Successby Dan Sullivan.
Pro tip: make sure your internal words don’t become external – you’ll get some odd looks.
#4: Learn and grow from your mistakes
Admittedly, these last two are tough for me. Every human makes mistakes and I’ve learned I’m actually pretty good at that. It comes naturally to me. What doesn’t come naturally to me is learning from them and having the ability to see the growth potential that exists within each mistake.
Professionally, we have processes in place to both mitigate mistakes and improve after a mistake happens. Our audit usually leads to a process improvement or an opportunity for continuing education.
The mistakes that tend to be the hardest to learn from are the personal ones. The mistakes where I disappoint someone, like my wife or kids, hurt my pride and I don’t always react how I should when I’m confronted. But when I push past my own pride, have a fruitful and honest conversation with the person I hurt, and commit to understanding what went wrong, there is massive growth.
#5: Be comfortable being humble
If you can get to the point of acknowledging you don’t know everything, you can unlock new levels of personal and professional growth. Operating life from a place of humility will allow you to appreciate the gifts of those around you more and will allow you to learn from them and become a more rounded person. We grow when we aren’t always trying to be the smartest person in the room. I think you’ll also find great joy in letting down your guards and learning from those around you.
Walking the Path
Life is difficult. Marriage is difficult. Parenting is difficult. Growing a business is difficult.
But, I believe everything gets easier and more enjoyable when we invite others into our professional and personal life. Let’s walk that path together.
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